Just like men don’t specifically desire sex, they desire feminine energy, women don’t specifically desire Bad Boys, they desire masculine energy.

For women, masculine energy appears to be available to them in “instant format” with Bad Boys who show up with the pretense of masculine energy. It’s not authentic masculine energy, it’s a Bad Boy’s best representation of what they think a real man looks like.

They’re almost instantly recognizable because they tend to choose visible outfits real men wear: Men in uniform, power suits, bike leather, drive lifted trucks, dropped sports cars and luxury automobiles.

The bigger the costume, the more fragile the ego (not necessarily correlated to show size as the popular myth goes).

Nice Guys are more evolved, they’re not pretending to be real men – they openly admit they’re not quite sure yet who they are and what their purpose is, but because they’re not even pretending to have confidence about their purpose they lack even the fiction of masculine energy that Bad Boys appear to have.

Nice Guys also have a uniform. This uniform is not to attract women, but to indicate to Bad Boys that the Nice Guy is not a competitor for status or women. It’s their “survival suit” designed to keep them from being noticed and out of fights.

Women instantly recognize the “survival suit” of the Nice Guy and know that he will wilt in conflict with Bad Boys. It also tells her that he will ask permission rather than take command in the bedroom. This leaves her feeling vulnerable and maybe even a little nauseous if he tries to make a move.

Nice Guys are confused by women who reject them and frustrated (enraged?) by women who come to them for soothing when they’ve been hurt only to run back into the arms of their Bad Boy when he pleads for another chance.

Women who attempt to save Bad Boys do so because their intuition tells them how powerful this man has the potential to be – if he’d just step into his purpose. Her mistake is believing that SHE can inspire that choice. THAT is her ongoing attraction to the Bad Boy, she sees her purpose served in saving this man from destroying himself – that can be heady stuff to a woman who is afraid to work on her own life.

The reason women reject the Nice Guy is because he openly demonstrates and talks about his fear of stepping into purpose. Where the Bad Boy constantly shows the potential he has to offer the Nice Guy continually talks about his insecurities.

Nice Guys aren’t interested in fighting for the attention of a woman. They claim neither their purpose or their woman. Instead they try to win her outside of competition. This is why they feel like an over eager and somewhat insecure puppy, both in their courtship and in the bedroom.

A Nice Guy will do just about anything to convince a woman of his affection for her, but virtually nothing to fight for her – not against other men, or life’s obstacles. Ironically, this makes Nice Guys more dangerous to a woman than Bad Boys.

Bad Boys are fairly predictable, but Nice Guys get upset in completely unpredictable fashion. Worse, no one knows when life circumstances will get tough and a woman partnered with a Nice Guy is almost guaranteed to have to become the leader and decision maker when they do.

The Bad Boy continually shows signs of WANTING to be magnificent, the Nice Guy continually demonstrates his fear of claiming it.

Women intuitively know they have the ability to inspire a man to claim his purpose. Ironically, it’s the Nice Guy with who this exists. All she has to do is… *nothing* – don’t marry him, don’t date him, don’t hang out with him and PLEASE don’t run to him when another guy hurts you.

It takes a significant life event to push the Nice Guy through to purpose. Mine was breaking my back and then my woman leaving me because I failed to claim my purpose.


Women who choose and remain with Bad Boys don’t believe they can attract one of the few real men. They’re likely right – at least not without a lot of personal growth. Because these women fear being alone they remain with the pretense of masculine energy rather than claiming the power of their feminine energy.

Many women are susceptible to the games and charms the Bad Boy has perfected over his decades of hunting women. Nice Guys get upset when they see women falling for his tricks and practically scream, “Can’t you see who he REALLY is?!?!”

But the woman looks at this Bad Boy through the filter of women’s intuition and what she sees is the potential of the man he COULD be and thinks that she DOES see him. She gives the Bad Boy chance after chance until it is too painful to continue anymore, sometimes tragically.

The Evolved woman sees through the games and the charms of the Bad Boy. She’s not fooled. She sees his potential as well, but she’s no longer a player in “the game”. She has no time for the Bad Boy and no sexual attraction to the Nice Guy. Only a real man will satisfy her – she’s single because she’s prepared to wait for the right man.

Graham R White



A very real woman who is hard working, self-actualized with a clear sense of who she is – her strengths & her imperfections and accepts and loves it all

Committed to achieving and executing excellence in all aspects of life within her potential

Maintains her responsibilities with graciousness and apparent ease

Sensual, passionate, and sexually confident and adventurous

She radiates an energy of peace, wisdom, confidence and strength

She raises and guides her children firmly with love

She listens and gives gentle support & encouragement, but will give firm guidance when necessary

She creates an environment of warmth, peace, beauty and harmony in her home

She expresses her emotions easily and with pride

Continually develops her body, health, spirit and mind

She has physical, emotional and spiritual energy to spare and the wisdom to know how and who to share it with

She’s learned how to accentuate her most attractive physical features and makes looking magnificent seem effortless for her.

Graham White



If you’ve ever experienced a man who doesn’t know how to be a generous lover and don’t know how to explain to him what it’s like for a woman in ways that he can understand, you can direct him to this guide.

Woman seem to intuitively know what kind of man will be a generous lover. It’s in the way he moves, the way he speaks and particularly his ability to connect by looking deep into her eyes.

But when it comes to actual technique the best lovers are the best kissers and the ones who know how to use their mouth in all the ways that please a woman (particularly in how they communicate with her during sex).

I’ve been told that most men don’t know how to give great oral pleasure to a woman. They’re too rough, too gentle, can’t sense the rhythm or pressure she enjoys or find it and then change to something else too quickly.

It’s because a guy assumes that a woman wants what he wants the way he wants it and tries to please her the way he likes to be pleased. She’s not, so let me explain it in terms men will understand.

When it comes to oral pleasure, men tend to come in five types:

1. The Avoider – he’s simply not interested, either because he’s not a generous lover or because he had some kind of traumatic oral experience in his past.

2. The Eager Beaver – he dives in like oral IS the foreplay because he doesn’t realize how personal this is to a woman. Once he starts he either ignores her signals because he’s so excited that he’s face to face with Nirvana or too boyish in his need for reassurance that what he’s doing is working for her.

3. Mr. Rough & Ready – he’s a score keeper that figures if he’s going to get some he’d better give some. He begins with her breasts for two minutes then moves down to mechanically go about his duty for another two minutes with all the finesse of a lumbering elephant before determining she’s ready for the main event.

4. The Human Pleasure Toy – this man is an expert when it comes to technique. He can expertly and deftly bring her to climax and prides himself on being such an expert when it comes to giving a woman an orgasm, but it’s a big performance with little intimate connection.

5. The Evolved Lover – this man sees more than just the sexuality of his partner, he sees her soul. His connection to her goes beyond just touching different aspects of her body and he understands that for her sex is an intimate connection of mind, body and energy. His focus is his woman, not her orgasm.

RULES TO GREAT ORAL (9 Parts Trust, 1 Part Technique)

This can’t simply be a technique instruction manual, because really that’s not the most important part. If you can’t relax your woman there’s no way she’s going to be able to enjoy herself anyway. I’ll begin with explaining how to create a space of trust and THEN I’ll get into the specifics of technique.

1. *SEE* HER

You don’t just dive in and devour her. Women as a rule have insecurities. She has no idea how you’re going to react to the way she looks, the way she tastes and smells, the way she sounds, the way parts of her body jiggle and no clue how good you’re going to be at following her signals.

Forplay does NOT begin with you jamming your fingers past the seams of her bra or underwear, it begins with the sense of trust and security you create for her in the conversation, kissing and cuddling leading up to this.

A woman wants to be seen for the unique individual she is and believe that you see her as special, care about what she thinks and how she feels. This means that before you kiss her you need to have heard and understood her. If she can’t trust you with her mind, then why would she ever trust you with something even more intimate like her body?


Women are the opposite of men when it comes to sex. For men, the most intimate act is to open our heart to you. For women, the most intimate act is to open your body to us. Because we all tend to assume that others are like us we apply the Golden Rule and we do to you exactly what we’d like to be done to us.

Men see the path to intimacy through sex where as women see the path to sex through intimacy. I think we’re designed this way to create a greater likelyhood that we’ll have sex and bond with a partner who has worked hard to ensure it’s a good match, but it does seem to be a big obstacle in the meeting of the minds for the sexes.

There is a look in a woman’s eyes that tell you when she wants to be kissed, when she wants to be touched and when she wants to be seen naked by you. The only way you’re ever going to figure this out is by looking into them.

This is why doing it drunk in the dark is so immature. If you’re not confident enough that you can create a space safe enough for her sober in at least candle light you haven’t earned the right to hold the safety and security of her self-image.

When you talk to her you need to be reading her eyes for signs of interest and connection. When you joke or tease her you need to watch her eyes and body language for signs of receptiveness. When you kiss you need to take a break and have the courage to look at her and feel the experience from her side.


Once she feels seen you’re going to have to let her know what it is about her that makes her so desireable to you. This involves the most important way you’re going to use your mouth…TALK to her!

Because men can be disconnected emotionally from the act of sexuality, they perceive woman to be the same. They don’t recognize how intimate the act is for her and are rediculously unaware of the insecurities she has about her body.

Your job is to let her know all of the things that you think are so incredibly delicious about her and murmur them out loud as you’re getting to know her body:

-The way you love how some part of her looks

-The texture of her skin, the way her hair feels

-The smell of her scent or perfume

-The taste of her lips

-The curve of her hips and breasts

There are things about her body that someone has made her feel uncomfortable at some point. In her mind she feels those parts of her will never be acceptable. This is where you get to be a hero if you’re man enough to recognize it.

As an Evolved man, you explain to her the way YOU see her differently than the immature lovers of her past. You let her know why a man would appreciate her thick thighs, her wide hips, her smallish breasts or whatever she is self conscious about.

You don’t have to figure out a whole bunch of things to say to her, but you do need to take your time and show that you appreciate the parts of her body that appear to be different from the women of Sports Illustrated and as things proceed that it’s ok for her to not possess the anatomy of porn stars.

(An aside to women, YES there are men who truly appreciate and even prefer your body type over that of a Barbie Doll. They’re more rare than the ones who do maybe, but then so are you.)


A woman doesn’t want to tell a man when she’s ready for him, she wants a man she can trust to read her signs. So you need to look into her eyes and be telling her what you are loving about her and what you’re planning to do next.

The bedroom is the place where she expects YOU to lead with what’s being said and I don’t mean, “Do you like this?”, “How about this?” or “What else do you like?” She want’s to hear everything you love about her and for you to tell her what you want to do to her next a while before you actually go do it. This gives her the chance to let you know with her eyes if that’s what she would enjoy.

The paradox is that women are far more sexual than men, but they must be more reserved in their expression of it. This is why looking into her eyes and taking her in visually and commenting on what you like is so important. She needs to be reassured that not only is she sexually appealing to you, but that you welcome her sexuality rather than judge her for it.


I’m going to let a woman describe this next part because frankly, I can’t tell you what feels good to her. The following is from a post I came across on Tumbler. It’s the best description I’ve ever read on the subject.


The key is being able to read the signs. You could be the best sexual mechanic in the world, but if you can’t read the emotional road signs, you’re going to end up wandering around in a desolate labial wasteland until, eventually, you drop from exhaustion, hot tears of confusion streaming down your face.

Think of oral as your way of saying, “although I am about to rock your insides with 3 000 lbs. of explosives, here’s a little intimate treat session to show you how I really feel.”

Instead of screaming “OH MY GOD!!” like her baby has been trapped under a car (which is what sex should do), cunnilingus elicits a more splendiferous “ooohmygodohmygod-ohmygod.”


Don’t go down unless you’re down. Unlike fellatio, cunnilingus can never be done as a favor. Doing it when you don’t want to will only bring on the dry heaves. Love it or leave it alone.


A dry pussy is an unhappy pussy. If your fingers graze a dry bush, go back to the kissing and hugging for awhile. Just make sure you actually dip your finger between the lips. Sometimes moisture gets trapped between the labia and a little fingerial coaxing is all that’s needed to get the honey dripping.

Once you’re sure the beaver is wet, give it a few light, teasing strokes with your finger. There’s nothing worse than rushing into this, so make sure she’s really begging for it before you get under the covers.

Important: Don’t play your trump card too soon by putting your fingers all the way inside. This can detract from the upcoming penetration and kill the tease factor. Try to remember that most of a woman’s pleasure is about yearning. Poking it in too soon is sure to put out the fire.


Once she’s lathered up, it’s time to go down. Get your fingers out of there and don’t touch anything for a bit. Let your lap do a bit of grinding and get some last-minute necking in like you’re going away on vacation.

Though it’s very tempting on your way down to pull the blankets over your head like a little mole-man, this is a very bad idea. It gets super hot down there and whipping the duvet off your head and gasping for air ten seconds before she comes is pretty much going to kill the mood.

Start by kissing her breasts and stomach and slowly working your way down. Don’t get carried away, though. That’s something you should have taken care of before the pants even came off. Right now it’s all about the stomach and inner thighs. A little bit of gentle biting is good, but a sure winner is to start at the knee and move towards the muff in a slow, shark-like swoop.

Nibble your way right up to the edge, then skip across it and head for the other knee. Repeat. Doing this a few times will get her really hot and save you a lot of pussy-eating time in the long run. 

When you’re just about ready to do the deed, start practicing on that weird crevice next to the lips. Don’t spend too long there or she might start to think that you think that’s it.

By now she should be dying for you to make your move. If you’re doing it right, she’ll be moaning and trying to force your head between her legs. Stretch this phase out until she looks like she’s been holding her breath for three days.

Extra trick: Hover over for about five seconds before the first lick. If you wait longer than that, she might think you’re having second thoughts because it smells bad.

Important: Never bite in any way whatsoever!


One hot trick is to get her to spread her lips apart so her pussy is all set up for you like a great big buffet.

Do your first lick super slow. It’s good to groan and moan too. It shows you’re digging it while sending microscopic audiophonic vibrations right up her snapper. Start just at the very bottom and take it all the way to the fur. Do about a dozen of these “St. Bernard licks” before moving on (take it really slow, like four seconds per lick).

This is a good time to figure out what kind of clit she has. If it’s real sensitive she’ll probably convulse as you pass over it and that means you’re probably in for an easy ride. If there’s no reaction when you graze over her clit, she probably has one of those nerveless little pea clits and you’re in for a thirty-minute session of tongue-tendinitis.


Eating pussy is so gentle it can make you feel like a bit of a wuss. If you’re getting tired of being ballerina boy, take it out on the clit. Figure out how much abuse it can take without making her uncomfortable and show the little button who’s boss. After all, Ms. Elusive is precisely what makes muff diving so difficult. She’s surrounded by labia and, even after you find her, all the pressure can pop her over to the side.

Once your tongue finds it use your lips to get hers out of the way and focus all your attention right there. Give it a bit of a hard time for trying to hide from you.

Extra important tip: The best way to stimulate the clit is to run your entire tongue over it after you isolate it from the lips. The man in the boat should feel the texture of the entire tongue pushing down.


After the slow licks it’s time to get this party started. There are essentially two types of clitori. Ones that enjoy a serious going over and ones that don’t.

Extra tip: Clits come in all shapes, sizes and sensitivities, but that doesn’t really tell you much. All of them want to be treated slow and soft at the beginning but the only way to tell if you can go fast at the end is by reading her reactions. This is impossible to teach but just do the best you can. All we can tell you is convulsing means take it easy and “Oh my God” means bring it on.


These are the most fun because you can be creative. Pretend your tongue is the bad cop and the clit is the one who killed your partner. Separate it out from the lips and suck it right up into your mouth.

Keep it erect by creating an air-tight vacuum chamber in your mouth. After a few teasers and swirling circles, rat-a-tat-tat it like a boxer whacking a speed bag. If she starts freaking out like it’s too much, ease up on the interrogation and go back to the St. Bernard licks.

The vacuum is a great way to bring her to orgasm, but it’s a bit much sometimes, so mix things up with some circles around the clit and some tongue fucking. As you’re closing in for the kill, go back to the vacuum and give it relentless tongue smacking.

Up-and-downies are usually the most effective, but your tongue will get less tired if you throw in a few side-to-sides. When you feel the inner thighs start to shake, this is it. Be repetitive.

Do NOT be creative. You’re almost home and this is not the time to start changing tactics.

Extra tip: To keep the rhythm going, try repeating a chant in your head that goes with the movement of your tongue like a Mic Mac Indian (hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-yi-ya). Any inconsistent action may throw her off, killing the mood or at least setting you back a few minutes, which is bad for morale.

Important: Keep going several seconds after her orgasm. Remember, it isn’t over until the hands come down from above and lay you off. If she’s multi-orgasmic you’ll have to keep going until you’ve done the whole routine another four or five times. If you’re not sure what to do, just keep givin’ ‘er until the magic hands come down to pull you off.


Some clits don’t want to be singled out and battered around. These are the boring ones that need to be treated with gentle care. Just do casual St. Bernard licks until she cums, pure and simple.

If you’re getting bored try going in some different directions for a while. A good way to keep it random is to spell out different letters of the alphabet with the tip of your tongue. You could be looking at half an hour here pal…


Once you’re done (totally finished) she’s going to want you out of there pronto because the whole area is sensitive. Instead of leaving, stick out your tongue and lay it down on her like a thick, soggy carpet.

Make sure you don’t move it or anything because that can actually hurt her. Just let it sit there like a dead manta ray for about thirty seconds. Then come up and wipe your face like a pirate.

You now have the task of satisfying her again, but this time you’re going to do it the way you’ve been waiting for and by now she’ll be desperate to have you inside her.


A complete sex manual for the Evolved couple will be contained in the erotic novel I’m writing.

(Not the same as the manual on men due out in April, “It’s not you…it’s HIM” The evolved woman’s guide to the bizarre behavior of men).

**This link is to an EXPLICIT video of adult film stars demonstrating these techniques. (Don’t watch it if you have an issue with graphic sexuality.)


Graham R White


How To Respond To An Angry Man

Anger Fades

The reason I began sharing my unique understanding of what is behind the bizarre behavior of men was to provide a context that makes it easier for women to love and support men, not to create division – but the response from men who are afraid they’re not up to the task will take a truly strong spirit to see through in order to love the person who.

All over the internet there are examples of rants and polarizing opinions. This comment from a reply to my blog post “Where are all the magnificent men?” could surely generate a flood of comments in response, but I’m going to preface publishing this comment by offering an alternative – let it go.

The pain behind the comment I am going to share in this post is filled with such vulgarity and rage that I am cautioning you to read further only if you have the most profound ability to understand and forgive.  Let the energy of this comment go and choose understanding and forgiveness over the reactions of anger and attacking back.


I’m a man, I’m also the father of three daughters. I am challenged to hold the energy of understanding and forgiveness in response to the comment – and I shall – but don’t misunderstand my forgiveness for acceptance, because were these words spoken directly to a woman in my presence you can be certain that the reaction would be in her immediate defense.

We have the freedom of speech and this comment was posted on a blog specifically for men in reaction to the article I wrote so they are entitled to speak their mind – and to remove the power from this kind of hate speech we must seek to understand the pain that created it, forgive the antagonism a need for attention and allow it to flow over us without a ripple.

What we give energy to grows, and this is particularly true of anger. I realize that I’m giving platform to the comment I will post shortly, but I trust it will create a way for us to move forward in understanding and begin to heal the gap between men and women.

Feminine energy is more powerful than masculine energy so men need to seek out sources of feminine energy to survive because we’re not born with it inside of us. That means that women are in a power position in the law of supply and demand and men who don’t understand how to attract it become scared and angry. These were my feelings when I was a teenager.

I can only guess what kind of challenges the individual who wrote this comment has faced in his childhood and in their relationships with women, but for them it created a reaction stronger than I knew was possible. I’m going to remind you again before you read it that I have three daughters and it makes me weep to think that there could be individuals like this that they may encounter in their lives, but I also know that the only way we can heal the population is to face these challenges by creating a space of dignity. If our reaction is to hate and to yell back, their power only grows in response.


I am going to post the comment next, so please be prepared, take a moment after you have read it and then read my response. If you need to cry, that is human, but I’m offering once again an alternative to anger – and that is to understand what must have existed to create this level of rage. At one point this individual was a little boy with nothing but love and an open spirit. This kind of attack on women is no different from that on another race – it is something that develops over time and takes on more and more energy every time someone shouts back. So don’t shout back – don’t accept what has been said, but let it pass effortlessly over you because you are so much more than a reaction to this comment.


(I’ve left the spelling and grammar as it was originally written. I think he assumed my blog article was written by a woman. I encourage you to take a moment after you read it and then read my response to the comment)

“Fat chicks, old(er than 29) hags, ugly chicks … I wouldn’t touch 95% of you with a stolen dick. And subtract another 4% to weed out the cunts, whiny feminists, creepy/werido/stalkers, and manjaws.”

“Aside from showing zero understanding of biological evolution (well, you’re a woman,) you’re also coming off as desperate to try to spin why Alpha men are repulsed by you.”

“And, of course, without masculine energy women would be living in tents, sobbing into each other’s hairy armpits in misery. Look outside(and inside, too.) Every you see has been invented and built by men. You’re just a blow-up doll for us, until your rot hole expires at 29.”


LET IT PASS – it has only the power you allow it to have.

Anger is an energy that this kind of pain feeds on and pity is an energy that only riles it up. Dignity and love are the only things that can begin to settle the pain and anger that exist in this kind of individual. He is a person who at one time was pure, innocent, helpless and simply desiring to be loved. At one time I was a 17 year old intent on tearing up the world my hate was so intense. It was the women in my life and the effect of irresistible feminine energy with profound dignity that shifted me.

That is the power *you* have – not only the power of creation through the process of birth, but the power of healing by creating a space of safety through the act of dignity that women seem so much more capable of than men.


The idea that women have been the one-way beneficiaries of what men have created is inaccurate. It is women’s desire for peace, harmony and things of beauty that has pushed civilization and culture to the place it is today. It is men that have benefited most from this in that our lives are no longer the property of pack leaders and kings who care nothing of our life or death in the pursuit of some personal, political or religious agenda.

Because of women we live largely at peace. Because of women we live our lives with tremendous comfort. These are not things men are naturally driven to, but desires women have had that men have been inspired to create. Everything that has been built in society and culture has been driven by the nature of the feminine. Without it, I wouldn’t be surprised if men would still be content to live in caves and fight each other over the limited natural resources.

I’m part of the first generation who has grown up without feeling like at any point I might be called on to die for my country. Unfortunately, this luxury also prevents the men of my generation from facing some of the experiences that might have us evolve. We have replaced real life with video games, real women with pornography and real relationships with the ease of connecting to the sexually liberated woman. The fact that Evolved Women are finally demanding that men step up or not be able to access their feminine energy is a sudden and startling shock to us.


The person standing in the middle of the street itching for a fight must come in at some point.  And how much more quickly if they are being forgiven for their actions and invited to join everyone back at the party.  Allow them to save face, provide a little bit of dignity and we can all move past that unfortunate incident. I hope that you can now recognize this anxiety for what it is and provide a space of dignity for men to step into rather than fueling their fear of rejection by slamming their comments.

The way you can help a man evolve fastest if he approaches you with hostility is to give no response at all. Don’t ignore him, that’s different – it tears us up to have you reject us.  Simply invite us to participate in what you love.  Remember, it was women who invited us to try all the nicer things in life that got us to where we are today. Give anger no energy. It is the responsibility of an evolved man to protect women from this kind of attack. In this forum, you can trust that I will ALWAYS do that.

Graham White


Where Are All The Magnificent Men Hiding?

We all require feminine energy to exist. Women are born with this energy inside them, men are not.

So feminine energy is in more demand than masculine energy, but for tens of thousands of years men have been physically dominant and needed by women for the qualities of their strength and this has created a balance of needs.

Since the end of WW II the requirement of muscle to generate value has decreased and women are adapting much more quickly to this change than men.

More and more women are choosing to be single rather than settle and many men are beginning to fear that they will be denied access to feminine energy at all. Because feminine energy for us is a necessity, men react with intensity when the threat of losing feminine energy appears imminent.

This is why there are cases of men committing murder-suicide and why laws have been passed in the history of virtually all cultures stating that wives may not refuse their husbands and that a defense for rape is provocation by the woman. (Instances are thankfully rare, but what provokes this kind of rage is intense fear).

What I am promoting is an understanding of consciousness and asking women to take the first step in supporting in claiming their magnificence by recognizing men’s deathly fear of failure and the power of inspiration women have to help them past this.

Men cannot live without feminine energy and if women raise their standards of who they share even their friendship with men will find it impossible to resist growing to meet them.

…but first men will become angry.

When that doesn’t work they will attempt whining.

When that doesn’t work they will try to negotiate.

When negotiating fails they will go back to anger disguised as passive aggressive silent treatment.

They will hold out for a short while and then attempt intensely personal insults.

If you’ve had a breakup with a strong willed individual you’ll recognize this pattern.

There is a breaking point – and when a man reaches it he enters a life changing state. In this state he feels he must either grow or die.

This is how Evolved Women will compel men to their magnificence. I do not believe it will happen by men embracing it on their own – the furthest I see men get on their own is becoming the type of individual Scott Francis describes and men resist this idea.

“Nice Guys” feel like wimps even to themselves and women have little to no sexual attraction to these kinds of men.

Evolved Women desire Magnificent Men, men of purpose, passion and sexual splendor.

This is who men also want to be, but they’re terrified they will fail in their attempt and ‘die’ of humiliation. Only necessity pushes them through this fire and one such irresistible push is their need for feminine energy.

All men possess the capacity to be magnificent – and all fear they’ll fail in the attempt. Don’t hate men who resist, encourage them with the promise that you’re waiting their arrival, but don’t give them handouts or scraps of sympathy and compassion along the way, it simply delays their arrival.

Men will join you when their access to feminine energy by anything other than being men of purpose fails to attract you.

Don’t pass judgement on men as they work through their process. Simply understand them enough to recognize your greatest gift to both them and your self is not settling or lowering your standards.

Graham White

Why “Nice Guys” Lack Sexual Attraction

20121212-194939.jpgRECOGNIZING A “NICE GUY”

Imagine a scene 500 years ago in Europe, constant battles raging and your nice guy friend runs to your door freaked out by the fighting. He doesn’t want to die and hopes you understand him because those the warriors don’t care about him, they just want another sword in the fight.

You let him in and listen to him describe the horror he’s hoping to avoid. You offer him refuge for a while and he offers to help out in return. He turns out to be a great baker and it’s nice to have the company.

You can tell he’s attracted to you, but he feels more like a girlfriend than a man to you, so there’s no sexual chemistry – at least not for you.

So there he is, dressed in your baking apron, when suddenly the fighting rages close and there is a pounding on your door.

“Open the door and give us your bread and your women or we’ll burn the place to the ground with you in it!”

You turn to him – and he looks at you with panic – he’s scared and looking for a place to hide.


You should have listened to his story, understood his pain and sent him on his way. It’s his choice to run into the forest and hide or join the battle, but your job isn’t to protect him from the terrors that men face or their life and death choices.

(You have a different and equally difficult task with childbirth that he can’t do for you.)

If, out of compassion, a woman supports a guy who is confused and afraid to step into his purpose – she is contributing to his lack of living with purpose.

I understand how women *believe* they are being thoughtful, but men who encounters that same “Nice Guy” understand the challenges he must face and will yell, “BRING OUT THAT *BOY* SO WE CAN MAKE HIM A MAN!!!”


There is a generation of parents and a growing population of single mothers raising boys to be sensitive. Those boys are lacking masculine influence due to gentle fathers and absentee dads so they lack the experience and modeling of how to meet challenges head on as a truly masculine man.

Their best examples of conquering challenges are their moms, and while these are courageous women, it’s not the same as dad demonstrating some real masculine energy. Men are scared to be seen as cruel and few know how to be both loving and firm, so they end up being rather wimpy.

Being a man is not a choice between courageous & tough or sensitive & gentle – it’s having the capacity to be either – and knowing when each is appropriate.

A real man is both powerful AND sensitive (Adam Levine, Robert Downey Jr, Brad Pitt, Sidney Poitier, Will Smith, Tom Selleck, Ben Affleck, Channing Tatum, Richard Gere, Jon Hamm, Ryan Reynolds, Hugh Jackman, Barack Obama)

You’ll recognize this ideal in the qualities you desire most in a lover: loving, thoughtful, considerate, and empathetic through the day, yet will take and devour you in bed and ravish you to the point of ecstasy until you’re beyond spent.

A “Nice Guy” can’t bring the ravisher quality, he doesn’t have it in him. The “Bad Boy” can’t either, because he doesn’t build the trust necessary through the small acts of kindness and consideration through the day.


It’s challenging to explain to women how terrifying it is for a man to claim his purpose. The best analogy I have for the equivalent for a woman is what it would take for you to choose to walk naked through the mall knowing not only strangers would be there, but your family, friends, co-workers and acquaintances as well.

Fulfillment of purpose is how men are measured. Before a man actually commits to his purpose he’s still “safe.” The moment we claim our purpose we either achieve it or risk death if we fail.

Living with purpose is not the same as being responsible. Being responsible does not involve the courage to face death. Living with purpose literally involves us facing our mortality, and the society we live in today no longer demands this in the way it did of our grandfathers.

Graham White