Just like men don’t specifically desire sex, they desire feminine energy, women don’t specifically desire Bad Boys, they desire masculine energy.

For women, masculine energy appears to be available to them in “instant format” with Bad Boys who show up with the pretense of masculine energy. It’s not authentic masculine energy, it’s a Bad Boy’s best representation of what they think a real man looks like.

They’re almost instantly recognizable because they tend to choose visible outfits real men wear: Men in uniform, power suits, bike leather, drive lifted trucks, dropped sports cars and luxury automobiles.

The bigger the costume, the more fragile the ego (not necessarily correlated to show size as the popular myth goes).

Nice Guys are more evolved, they’re not pretending to be real men – they openly admit they’re not quite sure yet who they are and what their purpose is, but because they’re not even pretending to have confidence about their purpose they lack even the fiction of masculine energy that Bad Boys appear to have.

Nice Guys also have a uniform. This uniform is not to attract women, but to indicate to Bad Boys that the Nice Guy is not a competitor for status or women. It’s their “survival suit” designed to keep them from being noticed and out of fights.

Women instantly recognize the “survival suit” of the Nice Guy and know that he will wilt in conflict with Bad Boys. It also tells her that he will ask permission rather than take command in the bedroom. This leaves her feeling vulnerable and maybe even a little nauseous if he tries to make a move.

Nice Guys are confused by women who reject them and frustrated (enraged?) by women who come to them for soothing when they’ve been hurt only to run back into the arms of their Bad Boy when he pleads for another chance.

Women who attempt to save Bad Boys do so because their intuition tells them how powerful this man has the potential to be – if he’d just step into his purpose. Her mistake is believing that SHE can inspire that choice. THAT is her ongoing attraction to the Bad Boy, she sees her purpose served in saving this man from destroying himself – that can be heady stuff to a woman who is afraid to work on her own life.

The reason women reject the Nice Guy is because he openly demonstrates and talks about his fear of stepping into purpose. Where the Bad Boy constantly shows the potential he has to offer the Nice Guy continually talks about his insecurities.

Nice Guys aren’t interested in fighting for the attention of a woman. They claim neither their purpose or their woman. Instead they try to win her outside of competition. This is why they feel like an over eager and somewhat insecure puppy, both in their courtship and in the bedroom.

A Nice Guy will do just about anything to convince a woman of his affection for her, but virtually nothing to fight for her – not against other men, or life’s obstacles. Ironically, this makes Nice Guys more dangerous to a woman than Bad Boys.

Bad Boys are fairly predictable, but Nice Guys get upset in completely unpredictable fashion. Worse, no one knows when life circumstances will get tough and a woman partnered with a Nice Guy is almost guaranteed to have to become the leader and decision maker when they do.

The Bad Boy continually shows signs of WANTING to be magnificent, the Nice Guy continually demonstrates his fear of claiming it.

Women intuitively know they have the ability to inspire a man to claim his purpose. Ironically, it’s the Nice Guy with who this exists. All she has to do is… *nothing* – don’t marry him, don’t date him, don’t hang out with him and PLEASE don’t run to him when another guy hurts you.

It takes a significant life event to push the Nice Guy through to purpose. Mine was breaking my back and then my woman leaving me because I failed to claim my purpose.


Women who choose and remain with Bad Boys don’t believe they can attract one of the few real men. They’re likely right – at least not without a lot of personal growth. Because these women fear being alone they remain with the pretense of masculine energy rather than claiming the power of their feminine energy.

Many women are susceptible to the games and charms the Bad Boy has perfected over his decades of hunting women. Nice Guys get upset when they see women falling for his tricks and practically scream, “Can’t you see who he REALLY is?!?!”

But the woman looks at this Bad Boy through the filter of women’s intuition and what she sees is the potential of the man he COULD be and thinks that she DOES see him. She gives the Bad Boy chance after chance until it is too painful to continue anymore, sometimes tragically.

The Evolved woman sees through the games and the charms of the Bad Boy. She’s not fooled. She sees his potential as well, but she’s no longer a player in “the game”. She has no time for the Bad Boy and no sexual attraction to the Nice Guy. Only a real man will satisfy her – she’s single because she’s prepared to wait for the right man.

Graham R White




A very real woman who is hard working, self-actualized with a clear sense of who she is – her strengths & her imperfections and accepts and loves it all

Committed to achieving and executing excellence in all aspects of life within her potential

Maintains her responsibilities with graciousness and apparent ease

Sensual, passionate, and sexually confident and adventurous

She radiates an energy of peace, wisdom, confidence and strength

She raises and guides her children firmly with love

She listens and gives gentle support & encouragement, but will give firm guidance when necessary

She creates an environment of warmth, peace, beauty and harmony in her home

She expresses her emotions easily and with pride

Continually develops her body, health, spirit and mind

She has physical, emotional and spiritual energy to spare and the wisdom to know how and who to share it with

She’s learned how to accentuate her most attractive physical features and makes looking magnificent seem effortless for her.

Graham White

How To Respond To An Angry Man

Anger Fades

The reason I began sharing my unique understanding of what is behind the bizarre behavior of men was to provide a context that makes it easier for women to love and support men, not to create division – but the response from men who are afraid they’re not up to the task will take a truly strong spirit to see through in order to love the person who.

All over the internet there are examples of rants and polarizing opinions. This comment from a reply to my blog post “Where are all the magnificent men?” could surely generate a flood of comments in response, but I’m going to preface publishing this comment by offering an alternative – let it go.

The pain behind the comment I am going to share in this post is filled with such vulgarity and rage that I am cautioning you to read further only if you have the most profound ability to understand and forgive.  Let the energy of this comment go and choose understanding and forgiveness over the reactions of anger and attacking back.


I’m a man, I’m also the father of three daughters. I am challenged to hold the energy of understanding and forgiveness in response to the comment – and I shall – but don’t misunderstand my forgiveness for acceptance, because were these words spoken directly to a woman in my presence you can be certain that the reaction would be in her immediate defense.

We have the freedom of speech and this comment was posted on a blog specifically for men in reaction to the article I wrote so they are entitled to speak their mind – and to remove the power from this kind of hate speech we must seek to understand the pain that created it, forgive the antagonism a need for attention and allow it to flow over us without a ripple.

What we give energy to grows, and this is particularly true of anger. I realize that I’m giving platform to the comment I will post shortly, but I trust it will create a way for us to move forward in understanding and begin to heal the gap between men and women.

Feminine energy is more powerful than masculine energy so men need to seek out sources of feminine energy to survive because we’re not born with it inside of us. That means that women are in a power position in the law of supply and demand and men who don’t understand how to attract it become scared and angry. These were my feelings when I was a teenager.

I can only guess what kind of challenges the individual who wrote this comment has faced in his childhood and in their relationships with women, but for them it created a reaction stronger than I knew was possible. I’m going to remind you again before you read it that I have three daughters and it makes me weep to think that there could be individuals like this that they may encounter in their lives, but I also know that the only way we can heal the population is to face these challenges by creating a space of dignity. If our reaction is to hate and to yell back, their power only grows in response.


I am going to post the comment next, so please be prepared, take a moment after you have read it and then read my response. If you need to cry, that is human, but I’m offering once again an alternative to anger – and that is to understand what must have existed to create this level of rage. At one point this individual was a little boy with nothing but love and an open spirit. This kind of attack on women is no different from that on another race – it is something that develops over time and takes on more and more energy every time someone shouts back. So don’t shout back – don’t accept what has been said, but let it pass effortlessly over you because you are so much more than a reaction to this comment.


(I’ve left the spelling and grammar as it was originally written. I think he assumed my blog article was written by a woman. I encourage you to take a moment after you read it and then read my response to the comment)

“Fat chicks, old(er than 29) hags, ugly chicks … I wouldn’t touch 95% of you with a stolen dick. And subtract another 4% to weed out the cunts, whiny feminists, creepy/werido/stalkers, and manjaws.”

“Aside from showing zero understanding of biological evolution (well, you’re a woman,) you’re also coming off as desperate to try to spin why Alpha men are repulsed by you.”

“And, of course, without masculine energy women would be living in tents, sobbing into each other’s hairy armpits in misery. Look outside(and inside, too.) Every you see has been invented and built by men. You’re just a blow-up doll for us, until your rot hole expires at 29.”


LET IT PASS – it has only the power you allow it to have.

Anger is an energy that this kind of pain feeds on and pity is an energy that only riles it up. Dignity and love are the only things that can begin to settle the pain and anger that exist in this kind of individual. He is a person who at one time was pure, innocent, helpless and simply desiring to be loved. At one time I was a 17 year old intent on tearing up the world my hate was so intense. It was the women in my life and the effect of irresistible feminine energy with profound dignity that shifted me.

That is the power *you* have – not only the power of creation through the process of birth, but the power of healing by creating a space of safety through the act of dignity that women seem so much more capable of than men.


The idea that women have been the one-way beneficiaries of what men have created is inaccurate. It is women’s desire for peace, harmony and things of beauty that has pushed civilization and culture to the place it is today. It is men that have benefited most from this in that our lives are no longer the property of pack leaders and kings who care nothing of our life or death in the pursuit of some personal, political or religious agenda.

Because of women we live largely at peace. Because of women we live our lives with tremendous comfort. These are not things men are naturally driven to, but desires women have had that men have been inspired to create. Everything that has been built in society and culture has been driven by the nature of the feminine. Without it, I wouldn’t be surprised if men would still be content to live in caves and fight each other over the limited natural resources.

I’m part of the first generation who has grown up without feeling like at any point I might be called on to die for my country. Unfortunately, this luxury also prevents the men of my generation from facing some of the experiences that might have us evolve. We have replaced real life with video games, real women with pornography and real relationships with the ease of connecting to the sexually liberated woman. The fact that Evolved Women are finally demanding that men step up or not be able to access their feminine energy is a sudden and startling shock to us.


The person standing in the middle of the street itching for a fight must come in at some point.  And how much more quickly if they are being forgiven for their actions and invited to join everyone back at the party.  Allow them to save face, provide a little bit of dignity and we can all move past that unfortunate incident. I hope that you can now recognize this anxiety for what it is and provide a space of dignity for men to step into rather than fueling their fear of rejection by slamming their comments.

The way you can help a man evolve fastest if he approaches you with hostility is to give no response at all. Don’t ignore him, that’s different – it tears us up to have you reject us.  Simply invite us to participate in what you love.  Remember, it was women who invited us to try all the nicer things in life that got us to where we are today. Give anger no energy. It is the responsibility of an evolved man to protect women from this kind of attack. In this forum, you can trust that I will ALWAYS do that.

Graham White


Where Are All The Magnificent Men Hiding?

We all require feminine energy to exist. Women are born with this energy inside them, men are not.

So feminine energy is in more demand than masculine energy, but for tens of thousands of years men have been physically dominant and needed by women for the qualities of their strength and this has created a balance of needs.

Since the end of WW II the requirement of muscle to generate value has decreased and women are adapting much more quickly to this change than men.

More and more women are choosing to be single rather than settle and many men are beginning to fear that they will be denied access to feminine energy at all. Because feminine energy for us is a necessity, men react with intensity when the threat of losing feminine energy appears imminent.

This is why there are cases of men committing murder-suicide and why laws have been passed in the history of virtually all cultures stating that wives may not refuse their husbands and that a defense for rape is provocation by the woman. (Instances are thankfully rare, but what provokes this kind of rage is intense fear).

What I am promoting is an understanding of consciousness and asking women to take the first step in supporting in claiming their magnificence by recognizing men’s deathly fear of failure and the power of inspiration women have to help them past this.

Men cannot live without feminine energy and if women raise their standards of who they share even their friendship with men will find it impossible to resist growing to meet them.

…but first men will become angry.

When that doesn’t work they will attempt whining.

When that doesn’t work they will try to negotiate.

When negotiating fails they will go back to anger disguised as passive aggressive silent treatment.

They will hold out for a short while and then attempt intensely personal insults.

If you’ve had a breakup with a strong willed individual you’ll recognize this pattern.

There is a breaking point – and when a man reaches it he enters a life changing state. In this state he feels he must either grow or die.

This is how Evolved Women will compel men to their magnificence. I do not believe it will happen by men embracing it on their own – the furthest I see men get on their own is becoming the type of individual Scott Francis describes and men resist this idea.

“Nice Guys” feel like wimps even to themselves and women have little to no sexual attraction to these kinds of men.

Evolved Women desire Magnificent Men, men of purpose, passion and sexual splendor.

This is who men also want to be, but they’re terrified they will fail in their attempt and ‘die’ of humiliation. Only necessity pushes them through this fire and one such irresistible push is their need for feminine energy.

All men possess the capacity to be magnificent – and all fear they’ll fail in the attempt. Don’t hate men who resist, encourage them with the promise that you’re waiting their arrival, but don’t give them handouts or scraps of sympathy and compassion along the way, it simply delays their arrival.

Men will join you when their access to feminine energy by anything other than being men of purpose fails to attract you.

Don’t pass judgement on men as they work through their process. Simply understand them enough to recognize your greatest gift to both them and your self is not settling or lowering your standards.

Graham White

Why “Nice Guys” Lack Sexual Attraction

20121212-194939.jpgRECOGNIZING A “NICE GUY”

Imagine a scene 500 years ago in Europe, constant battles raging and your nice guy friend runs to your door freaked out by the fighting. He doesn’t want to die and hopes you understand him because those the warriors don’t care about him, they just want another sword in the fight.

You let him in and listen to him describe the horror he’s hoping to avoid. You offer him refuge for a while and he offers to help out in return. He turns out to be a great baker and it’s nice to have the company.

You can tell he’s attracted to you, but he feels more like a girlfriend than a man to you, so there’s no sexual chemistry – at least not for you.

So there he is, dressed in your baking apron, when suddenly the fighting rages close and there is a pounding on your door.

“Open the door and give us your bread and your women or we’ll burn the place to the ground with you in it!”

You turn to him – and he looks at you with panic – he’s scared and looking for a place to hide.


You should have listened to his story, understood his pain and sent him on his way. It’s his choice to run into the forest and hide or join the battle, but your job isn’t to protect him from the terrors that men face or their life and death choices.

(You have a different and equally difficult task with childbirth that he can’t do for you.)

If, out of compassion, a woman supports a guy who is confused and afraid to step into his purpose – she is contributing to his lack of living with purpose.

I understand how women *believe* they are being thoughtful, but men who encounters that same “Nice Guy” understand the challenges he must face and will yell, “BRING OUT THAT *BOY* SO WE CAN MAKE HIM A MAN!!!”


There is a generation of parents and a growing population of single mothers raising boys to be sensitive. Those boys are lacking masculine influence due to gentle fathers and absentee dads so they lack the experience and modeling of how to meet challenges head on as a truly masculine man.

Their best examples of conquering challenges are their moms, and while these are courageous women, it’s not the same as dad demonstrating some real masculine energy. Men are scared to be seen as cruel and few know how to be both loving and firm, so they end up being rather wimpy.

Being a man is not a choice between courageous & tough or sensitive & gentle – it’s having the capacity to be either – and knowing when each is appropriate.

A real man is both powerful AND sensitive (Adam Levine, Robert Downey Jr, Brad Pitt, Sidney Poitier, Will Smith, Tom Selleck, Ben Affleck, Channing Tatum, Richard Gere, Jon Hamm, Ryan Reynolds, Hugh Jackman, Barack Obama)

You’ll recognize this ideal in the qualities you desire most in a lover: loving, thoughtful, considerate, and empathetic through the day, yet will take and devour you in bed and ravish you to the point of ecstasy until you’re beyond spent.

A “Nice Guy” can’t bring the ravisher quality, he doesn’t have it in him. The “Bad Boy” can’t either, because he doesn’t build the trust necessary through the small acts of kindness and consideration through the day.


It’s challenging to explain to women how terrifying it is for a man to claim his purpose. The best analogy I have for the equivalent for a woman is what it would take for you to choose to walk naked through the mall knowing not only strangers would be there, but your family, friends, co-workers and acquaintances as well.

Fulfillment of purpose is how men are measured. Before a man actually commits to his purpose he’s still “safe.” The moment we claim our purpose we either achieve it or risk death if we fail.

Living with purpose is not the same as being responsible. Being responsible does not involve the courage to face death. Living with purpose literally involves us facing our mortality, and the society we live in today no longer demands this in the way it did of our grandfathers.

Graham White

Women’s Expectations Are UNREALISTIC!

Have you heard the complaints from men about how life’s not fair and the expectations on them are more than they are for women?

As a man, I agree. IT’S NOT FAIR!

What Evolved Women expect from men is unrealistic. The kind of person a man would have to become in order to achieve all of her standards would mean he’d have to sacrifice everything just to meet them:


Be prepared to fight should we find ourselves threatened – and die if necessary

Work hard enough that we know we’ll always be warm and fed – and then work harder to make sure we have all the nicest things in life

Figure out who you are, what you’re about and live your purpose with magnificence – and risk failure and ridicule in front of all should you miss the mark

Look after all the things I find gross, frightening or too heavy for me – and do it even if you’re just as scared, hate it as much or more than I do and I could do it myself or just phone someone.

Deal with upsetting phone calls, neighbors, parents, or the kids when there’s a hard conversation that needs to be had – even if you’re not sure what to say or how to handle it

Let me know in little ways all through the day that I’m the most lovely and important woman in the world – even if you’re busy competing with the toughest challenges of your work

Show me in the little things all throughout the day, every day, that you adore me (text, call, know what I like, choose the restaurant, buy me flowers, pay the bill, take my hand, walk me to the car, open the door, bring me tokens of affection, tell me you love me, know what I want from you and when, ravish me like you can never get enough of me when we’re finally alone, never stop doing all of these things) – and risk the fact that you might fail or be imperfect as you do and that I might not respond instantly the way you hoped.

What COMPLETELY ridiculous standards!!! As a man, I’m telling you we find this unfair and next to impossible!

WOMEN don’t fight and die to protect their men. It’s MEN that throw their very lives into purpose, battle, even death for their women. YOU don’t risk rejection and embarassment when you ask us out or propose to us. Our perspective is that we ask for SO LITTLE and you get to do or be pretty much anything you WANT!


Be happy
Be loving
Be beautiful
Be sensual
Make the home lovely
Give birth
Nurture the kids

Much shorter and easier list…or is it?

I have made the statement that women are amazing by the very nature of who they are but that men have to work more consciously to achieve their greatness. Women literally create the miracle of life, it’s just what your bodies do.

On top of that, you’re gorgeous just in the way you’re formed – but let’s think about what the real expectation is in just those two acts of being a woman and what men are REALLY expecting.

Women are expected by men to be attractive – yet they deform their bodies in the process of childbearing and are expected to bounce back to sexy looking woman that made him want to do what got her pregnant in the first place.

On top of that, childbirth historically has been a game of Russian Roulette for women with a high chance of her dying in the process, and if she didn’t die, she would often have to live with the emotional pain of seeing the life that had been growing inside her die (even today, 1/3 pregnancies does not make it full term.)

So, all a woman has to do is give birth, which is no big deal, her body was designed for it so it’s nothing special…

BUT in return she risks death and heartbreak, gains weight, gets stretch marks, her breasts swell then deflate, her nipples change, her butt sags, her feet swell, her vagina tears or changes shape and maybe she gets a special bonus of hemorrhoids.

And AFTER all this she’s expected to get herself back to the same kind of look that got her pregnant in the first place and become a willing recipient of his advances!

The only OTHER major thing men expect of a woman is that she look after the kids, that’s all really.

You know, spend all day taking on the task of nurturing and caring for demanding, pooping, puking, screaming, crying, whiny, messy, thankless little beings – THEN after a whole day of that, show up happy, thankful, glowing, sexy and desring to be available for the pleasure of her partner (who really needs someone to understand how hard HIS day was and provide an outlet for the sexual energies that he has kept so galliantly for her).

Our roles are very different and the expectations placed on each gender when you think about them are completely ridiculous, yet it’s how we’re designed and the roles we’ve been given.

Men are expected to claim their purpose, be magnificent, risk their lives whenever their is danger and then be understanding, tender magnificent lovers when they shift from the battle mindset of the day back to their partners.

Women are expected to be gorgeous and maintain a beautiful space when the very act of giving birth and having a child around makes these two things virtually impossible!

Can we acknowledge that neither of us have realistic expectations or a true understanding of how challenging it is to be the other?

Can we appreciate that something about each of us inspires us to want to achieve the impossible when we find “the one” who makes it all worth while?


As a man I want to say, “Thank you.” Thank you for not choosing to be alone even though you can do life without a man. (I worry that once you figure this out you’ll decide men aren’t worth it.)

Thank you for just being a woman! Wow! Look at you!!! You’re the most indescribably beautiful creature on earth. The sight, the feel, even just the smell of you reminds me why I do it all.

Thank you for trusting me enough to allow me to touch you, to even allow me to penetrate the most intimate parts of you and for giving me incredible pleasure.

Thank you for believing that I could not only be a man, but man enough to trust your life, your future and the future of children to.

Thank you for seeing greatness in me enough that you would support me in claiming my purpose and loving me through the struggle of manifesting it in the world.

Thank you for being willing to risk the fact that I may never get the big picture and that you will have to be wise enough to share your broader truth in a way I can wrap my mind around.

And thank you for offering your body and your life so that I might have the opportunity to be a father and spend my life with a living goddess.

I will not complain that you ask me to be magnificent in return. I will gladly take on the world and my purpose and to ensure your survival and glowing pride with how I choose to show up in the world.

Despite the challenge, I will STILL let you know in the small moments of my day how incredible I think you are and even when, ESPECIALLY when I have fought the most magnificent battle of my life.

I will come home and make you feel beautiful and completely adored, I will thank you for making the house a home, and I will sweep you off your feet, carry you to the bed and lavish my affections on you without end.

Thank you for being willing to accept my completely unrealistic expectations of you as a woman and not settling for me being any less in return as your man.

Thank you for claiming your high standards, it’s what I love most about you.

Graham White